I think my reputation precedes me

I have been doing a lot of reflecting recently and it always happens to me when I am in a transitional period of life, which for me now is from being s student to a full-time working adult.

For me, I guess it is not as scary as I used to think it was, I thank it all to my experiences in Arts Club which has built up in me the ability to speak, to present, to think clearly and logically, to analyse and to think from other people's point of view.

But having said all these, I realise that most of the time, I present a very happy front to the world, I am expected (or maybe not) to be the one to bring smiles to other people, to entertain others and I admit, of course, no one forces me, I do it of my own accord.

I just want to take this opportunity to say that I really think how most people see me is really different from what I am truly inside...I think not many people see me for what I really am. Most people think that I am confident, I am outgoing but actually, I am shy (No joke!) and I am not as confident as most people think I am. I love to be in my comfort zone and I hardly broke out of it....I once told Alson this and he was very surprised, he told me that my comfort zone must be very big then. And yes, in a way, that is true and it is my one saving grace, I have a bigger comfort zone than most people.

Having said all these, I think the only few people who have seen me for who I am are really my friends like Alson, June, Belinda whom I will really pull out my heart to and seriously, I am grateful to you all for being my listening ears. I am but acting out a role to others and I really hate it at times......that even when I am breaking down inside, I have to put up an appearance to show the world.....as 孙协志 sings in 煎熬, "勉强撑起了笑也要让你看到最后一丝的骄傲". Maybe the famous quote, "Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone" is applicable here.

Maybe it is my own fault, I am constantly acting out a role to others. Maybe I am tired of it already. Will I have a chance to show my true self to the world? Perhaps not. I do not know.

Struggling with myself to show the real me to the world.